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Robert Benchly
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"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony."
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Sam Ewing
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"The fastest way to meet new people is to pick up somebody else's change at a cocktail bar."
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"You've had too much to drink when you feel sophisticated but can't pronounce it."
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W. C. Fields
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"I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy."
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Heraclitus
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"It is better to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this when we relax over wine."
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Dean Martin
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"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt."
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Martin Mull
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"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass."
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Emo Philips
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"I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?"
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