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Erma Bombeck
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"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
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"One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is."
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Lee J. Burke
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"People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one."
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Dick Cavett
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"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
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Clarance Darrow
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"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children."
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Phyllis Diller
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"Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home."
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King Edward VIII
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"The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children."
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P.J. O'Rourke
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"Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them."
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Robert Orben
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"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
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"Never raise your hand to your children; it leaves your midsection unprotected."
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Dorothy Parker
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"The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires."
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Harry Truman
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"I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it."
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