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Woody Allen
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"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying."
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"On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down."
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Isaac Asimov
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"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome."
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Yogi Berra
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"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."
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Niels Bohr
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"Eternity is a long time, especially the end."
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George Burns
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"If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age."
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"At my age flowers scare me."
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Johhny Carson
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"For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
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Irvin S. Cobb
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"An epitaph is a belated advertisement for a line of goods that have been permanently discontinued."
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John Kenneth Galbraith
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"If all else fails immortality can be assured by a spectacular error."
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Samual Goldwyn
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"If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive."
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Garrison Keilor
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"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days."
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Groucho Marx
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"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
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Michael Phelps
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"The trouble with heart disease is that the first symptom is often hard to deal with - sudden death."
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Edith Sitwell
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"Picasso was a delightful, kindly, friendly, simple little man. When I met him he was extremely excited and overjoyed that his mother-in-law had just died, and he was looking forward to the funeral."
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Harriet Beecher Stowe
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"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone."
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Pancho Villa
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"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something."
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