"The Updated List of Trump's (Actual) Excuses"

By: Maximum Sequiter
In readers' comments to a 09/20/2022 Washington Post story by Greg Sargent

Take it away Maximum:

Part I: Before the Search Warrant

I didn't do anything wrong.
I don't have any documents, it's just a "witch hunt", but if I do, they must have been planted by the FBI,
but if they were not planted, it doesn't matter because they are mine,
but if they are not mine, no problem because I can do whatever I want,
but if I can't, maybe they were brought in the chaos of moving out,
but if they were in fact brought in, then they were just newspaper clippings, but if they were not newspaper clippings, then there must be a proof,
but if the proof is a picture, documents cannot be lying on the floor,
but if they are, then it's an FBI setup because I am a neat person,
but if is not a setup, I may have them because the nature of Presidential records,
but if I have them, it doesn't matter because they were not classified,
but if they were classified, it's irrelevant because I declassified them,
but if they were not properly declassified, I had a "standing order" to declassify,
but if there was no standing order, it's immaterial because I returned them,
but if I didn't return them, it doesn't matter because I was going to, which
doesn't actually matter because Obama didn't return 33 million documents,
not to mention Hillary's e-mails and Hunter's laptop.

Part II: After the Search Warrant

If the government seizes the documents, it is an abuse of power,
but if it is not abuse, it is an "storage dispute" that spiraled out of control,
but it didn't spiraled out of control, it is just an storage dispute,
but if the storage place is not secure, I am sure that nobody saw the documents,
but if they may have been spied on, it is not a national security concern,
but if it is a national security concern, then documents were not classified,
but if they were allegedly classified, the government has to prove it,
but if the government doesn't have to, then I have "absolute right of access",
but if "absolute right of access" is not granted, I claim attorney-client privilege,
but if this doesn't cover all the documents, I claim executive privilege,
but if my executive privilege is in doubt, I'll ask for a Special Master,
but if a Special Master is appointed, I will only pay 50% of his salary,
but if the Special Master asks questions, I may have to answer them,
but if questions are about the documents, they can't be about classification,
but if they are, I won't answer questions that Cannon "has left unasked",
but if I have to, I won't because that would disclose a defense for an indictment,

In the Meantime

If they indict me, there will be problems like "we've never seen before",
but if the country suffers the problems, the people of the US may not stand for it,
but if they "wouldn’t stand for it", there would be “big problems, big problems”
but if this seems like inciting violence, then "I am just expressing my opinion"